Monday, July 2, 2012

Don't Twist My Words

So, I have been thinking...women have this innate talent where they have the ability to completely twist our words (men's words) to negatively affect any given situation. Because of this, it has changed the way I text, talk on the phone, write, or communicate in any way to a female. It's gotten to the point where I have to mentally think about everything that I say and what the outcome will be for each response that I have-- in a short amount of time! In other words...it's annoying haha.

If you are acting like you don't know what I'm talking about, like this is some foreign language/concept to you (most women are probably feeling this way while men are nodding and applauding in agreement), then let me provide a couple of examples to see if I can clear things up a little bit.

Men, I think you would agree with me when I say there are a couple of picky topics when it comes to communicating with women. Some of the topics are their appearance (weight, attractiveness, hair, etc.) and their friends! Honestly, "their friends" can be changed to "any other women in general." Now there are probably more, but I don't want to write a blog as long as the bible. So just bear with me.

As a human race, we are very aware of appearances because we are a visual people. To put it simply, we love to look at/see....things lol. Now, women are very aware of their own appearances because us scavengers...oops, I mean guys, are constantly on the lookout for the most attractive women we ever laid our eyes upon. Therefore, women, you have to be on your game at all times...fair enough.

When it comes to appearances, women want our opinion...on EVERYTHING! "How do I look?" "Do I look fat in this dress?" "Do you like my hair straight or curly?" And most of the time, us guys are like "Uhh...fine." "No" and "I don't care, you look fine with both." And then the woman gets mad because it clearly wasn't a well thought out response like the ones you hear in the chick flick movies that they love so much. Hence, this response then gives us guys the anxiety to TRY to deliver a Emmy awarding quote that will take the woman's breath away. That's where everything goes south!

Woman: "Do I look fat in this dress?"
Man: *VERY slight hesitation simply because you were caught off guard* "Uhh..no."
Woman: *Rolls eyes* "Oh, so I do look fat?"
Man: *Confused* "Uh no, I just said no."
Woman: "So you saying I'm lying now?"
Man: ..........

Here is a texting example:

Woman: "Hey, what u up to"
Man: "Nuthin, just chillin at the crib with the fellas....bored lol"
Woman: "Oh, so I'm boring you now?"
Man: "Huh?"

See how fast that was? That's what happens when you don't think before you speak. Smh...

Now, you have to be extremely careful when talking about other women, especially to your woman. Sounds mean but no compliments for other woman...around your woman. When you are around the fellas, by all means...let loose. A tenth of a second glance longer than 1 second is too long at a feminine passerby. You in the doghouse. You can't pass "GO," you can't collect $200, you can't do anything. You on your own for dinner that night.

This turned out to be a little longer than I wanted, but oh well. Stay tuned for some more blogs in the future. So, there is my 2 cents on twisting my words. Women...can you please stop? Thanks.

Sincerely,
 
Andre Young






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