Shopping With Women

The thought makes me cringe. As my cousin, Johan, eloquently described it, "Its like a going to the dentist. Its painful, expensive and sucks. But you gotta do it every once in awhile." After 21 blessed years of life on this Earth, one thing is painfully obvious... Women are complex creatures. They love to shop and want you to participate sometimes. What's even more crazy is that they want us men to ENJOY being there. Really ladies?! Absolutely absurd, but like I said, they are complex.

Indecisive, picky, passionate, enthused, excited, etc. You name it, they got it. It is one of the most time consuming events that you can participate in. It's like a sport to them. They take pride in what they do. Nothing is more frustrating than walking into a women's clothing store where other women lurk around every corner. If you are not tagging along with your mom, sister, girlfriend, etc., you are like a lost child in a super Walmart on a Christmas Eve night. You are scared and way out of your league. Therefore, you have to run behind the woman to make things less awkward. If you have tried this at all, you know how hard it is to do.

Some tips for guys who fall into the lethal trap:

1. Try to stay optimistic. I know it's hard, but you gotta do it. This will help when you are asked the inevitable questions, "How does this look?" or "Do you like this?"
2. Have something to entertain yourself with. A phone, a book, an ipod, buy a Rubik's cube if you have to! Anything!
3. Take occasional breaks to maintain your sanity. If you are in a mall, visit a men's store. Check out some sneakers at a Foot Locker store or Foot Action. Check out a game store to find out when the next Call of Duty comes out. You need a break, so reward yourself.
4. If you are getting really annoyed, get on their nerves. This is not suggested, especially if the woman is your wife, girlfriend, etc. But, it may be necessary depending on the situation. I found a farting app on my ipod that can get highly annoying. Every time your clothing hunter bends down to look at a pair of shoes or piece of clothing, pull out the ipod/iPhone and pick an ear splitting fart noise that will be sure to turn feminine heads with contorted faces of disgust (Don't tell her that I told you to do this. Please. For my own safety). If you choose to do this, you must suffer the consequences yourself.

If you have any other suggestions, please share. I know I'm going to end up in these inescapable scenarios sometime in the future. Just remember, there is no way we can survive without these complex creatures we have come to adore so much. Though they are a handful, they keep us men in line. This is our way of showing our thanks. Now, go! Venture out to overcome this difficult challenge to test your courage and manhood. And don't forget...optimism!